Friday, April 29, 2011

A real live nightmare

We have discussed my worst fear before: stinging insects, all kinds.

After being chased by a swarm of yellowjackets, I don't go anywhere near them.  Any of them.  I take alternate entry routes if I see one chilling near a doorway.  I have dived into my car from the passenger side when one was too close to the driver's side before.

Yesterday, just as I was about to leave for work, I leaned down to grab my purse, which was resting on a chair in my bedroom.  And I heard a buzzing.

I froze.

I looked up to find the source and realized it was coming from my lamp.  But I couldn't see the perpetrator yet.

Please, God, I prayed.  Let it be a moth being singed on my lightbulb.

But finally the creature freed itself and perched on the top of my purse's chair.  The 1 and 1/2 inch wasp lazily flicked its wings as it walked cross the top of the chair. Which, I realized belatedly, I was still crouched over. I scrambled from my bedroom, fumbled to grab my phone, and slammed my door shut behind me.

Obviously, this was so the little bastard couldn't follow me.

I called my boss and told him, half-hysterically (the tears came at some point later), that I'd be late because "there's a wasp in my bedroom and I'm trying to deal with it."

Then I called my parents, who tried to assure me that they were laughing with me.  But I wasn't laughing.  Some highlights from that conversation include:

"The wasp looks like he's up to no good."

"Dad," (this as I tiptoed across my floor, trying to get up the nerve to grab my purse and run) "please lower your voice.  You're being very loud and I'm trying to be stealthy."

 Mom: "Did you get your stuff?"
"What happened?"
"I saw him flying."
"So where are you?"
"Hiding in the bathroom."

I gathered my courage, grabbed my purse, alerted my roommates and left for work eventually.
The wasp's corpse. Felled by a flip-flop.

Thankfully they'd killed it by the time I got home.

But you'd better believe that I bought myself some Raid anyway.
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Problems? Solutions.

There are some office things that you don't really think about when you accept a semi-professional job.

Like that your office is freezing.  Really, really freezing.  And you're anemic.  And you share the room with a woman who doesn't seem to notice how cold it is.  And wears short sleeves.  WITHOUT A JACKET.  Meanwhile, you are shivering beneath TWO jackets and taking the breaks you get outside in the sunlight, where you pray to combat the chill.

But you are totally going to bring the heated massage pad you got for Christmas to the office, thus solving both the chill and comfort levels in your office chair.

Ok, this isn't my, EXACT pad, but it's close enough.
Then there's the shoes issue.  Your feet are growing sweaty in those heels.  And you never know which days you'll be doing a ton of walking (ok, so maybe this one is more specific to my job), and which days you'll be stationary at your desk, so blisters have become a problem.  Can't take the shoes off to relieve the pain.  They've been sweating.  They'll surely stink to high heaven.

Aaaand, not my shoes
(But I wish they were)

Ok, I'll admit, I haven't worked out a solution for this one yet, other than to just suffer and save myself from embarrassment. Anyone got any tips?

Thursday, April 14, 2011


I am tremendously grateful to have finally found a full-time job.  Really.  But this means that I'm taking over more bills from my parents and faking like I'm a legitimate grown-up.  

This leads not only to me fooling around with (Thanks, by the way for that helpful tip, Saggio), but since I get paid every other week, I'm not sure what the pay will break down to after Uncle Sam takes his piece of my pie.

Enter  By inputting a few simple figures and answering a couple easy questions, you can calculate your paycheck value-- your actual paycheck value.  Thanks to a friend for the handy tip!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Is it charm, is it poise? No, it's... NOT hairspray!

I'm going to take a second here to complain about my hair.

(Cute, right?)

Last night, I wrapped my hair in rollers while it was wet and fell asleep with it up like that.  I didn't expect much but I thought that at least my hair would have a little body when I woke up.

I woke up this morning.  My hair had dried like that.  I took it out of the rollers.

And it looked like this:

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the world's most stubborn, straight hair. That looks exactly the same as it does every other day. 

I guess I'm just not meant for volume.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

So much better, hello much better!

After I got home from my interview... EMPLOYED!
I suppose it's time for a life update.  It has after all, been a month since I've updated this ol' thing.

Originally I could have only updated this with a recap of my fake spring break or the news that I started my second part-time job (which, by the way, is a complete cake walk) and transferred locations to hosting at a closer Logan's.

Exciting stuff.  Riveting, even.  And this next bit of news that I can now share might not thrill some of you the way that it thrills me.


Yes.  The impossible has happened. I'm employed.  In a real job. I get to be a grown-up (almost, of course).  I'm going to handle my life on my own. I'm thrilled. And the best part is...

I wasn't even looking for a job anymore.

Details have to remain private of course... I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea to blog about my work (didn't care a great deal when it was 2 part-time jobs), but you all can go ahead and be happy for me.  Yay.  I'm not a total screw-up!

The hours are better, the money is better, hell, everything's better!

And I'll still have time to work on my writing.  Win-win.

(Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference of this blog post's title!)
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